Sorry 'bout that

Okay, um, hi. You might have noticed that I have been mysteriously gone for about one month. (You might also not have noticed, but in either case, you know it now.) I could go on by explaining all the things that has happened (I was in London and saw my favourite actor in a play last week, heyho!), but there hasn't been enough happening for me to blame my blogging absence on that.

I haven't been blogging because I haven't felt like it, quite simply. It's not that I don't having to write about; I simply just haven't felt an urge to blog about it. I have also kind of felt like I must blog, and when I feel like I must do something just because I must, it rather takes the fun out of it.

I have also used my more or less scarce spare time doing other stuff, which, frankly, I'd rather do than blogging. (I'll master ukulele playing soon, just you wait.) When I do feel like writing, I have a longer work of fiction which I work at, or I write failed iambic pentametres. Nothing blog-y.

Now, I'm not resigning from blogging. I'm keeping this blog in case I feel like blogging again (which might be tomorrow, or in three months), but I won't be as active as I was before this major break, at least for a while. There's no knowing what happens after a while. If you want to know when there's a new entry, you can always sign up for email notifications, farthest down on the sidebar.

For those of you who don't know me other than here, or those of you who don't know me everywhere, who want to keep stalking me online (please don't stalk me irl), I exist on a lot of other places:

• Twitter
• Wattpad
• Instagram
• Deviantart (I'm like never on there though)
• Tumblr

May the Force be with you.~

Making people feel appreciated

If there is something I am rubbish at, it is showing people in my surroundings how much I appreciate their existence and the fact that they are a part of my life.

That is partly because I do not wish to sound cheesy (for some reason I have no wish to be a cheesy-kind-of-person), but mainly, I believe, because I am afraid to scare them away; I am afraid that they do not appreciate me and my existence, at least not as much as I do theirs (yay low confidence), and if I come up to them and am all like 'HELLO YOU ARE WONDERFUL PERSON I APPRECIATE YOUR EXISTENCE PLEASE DON'T EVER DISAPPEAR FROM MY LIFE', and they do not feel the same toward me, it will make them uncomfortable and they will slowly remove themselves from my life. Which is seriously stupid and sad, because I know how wonderful it is to feel appreciated and loved; to know that at least someone does not consider you nothing but a pain in the ass.

There are, I think, approximately three people who know that I appreciate their existences, which is far less than the real amount of people who's existence I appreciate. Which sucks.

Furthermore, I feel an even greater urge to tell people how much I appreciate their existences when they seem to be a bit low, but then it feels even more pathetic because I feel like I say it merely as an attempt to make them feel better. But it is not like that.

This text is not heading for some clever conclusion, because there is no clever conclusion. This time it is merely me telling a tale from my awkward life. But if you happen to have some clever conclusion, a tale from your own awkward/not-that-awkward life, a comment, or whatever, please do share in the comment section. I like comments; they make my blog feel like it is appreciated. (Yes, I am really pathetic enough to be asking you for comments. And my blog does not actually feel appreciated if you comment, because it is a blog, so it lacks of emotion. Did you really think that a blog could have feelings? That is slightly peculiar.)

Why fandom is important

Since I realised that there are more important matters to focus your mind on than whether the upcoming Star Wars trilogy will include my favourite character or not, I have felt a bit guilty spending time with anything that has to do with any of my fandoms*, because I have almost constantly been having thoughts like 'and while I watch this episode of Doctor Who 100 children are dying of starvation. But why spend your time helping them when you can sit on your fat arse, staring at a screen?', which is really rather unnecessary, seeing as I am unable to help those children from my current position, anyway. But I have been thinking a lot about it in attempts to justify my affection for various fandoms, and now I have found a way of doing it/ found the reason to why fandom is important to me.

*drum roll* It is, I believe, because of its similarity to religion. And no, I am not using this simile because my major fandoms happen to include god-like aliens flying around in blue boxes or Norse gods, but because it fills the same need for me as I can imagine that religion does for other people (or, one of the needs religion fill). I have never been particularly religious (currently I am agnostic/atheist), so I cannot tell what really believing in a certain religion is like, but from what I have gathered from my general experience of life and a very brief research ten minutes ago, the main needs that religion fill seems to be:

• Feeling that your existence serves some sort of purpose
• A sense of identity
• A sense of security and comfort
• Guiding in moral principles
• A sort of connection to a higher being
• A medium for socializing and a feeling of belonging
• [I probably forgot something]

Now, as for the first five needs, I have either filled them in another way or have no need for having them filled. It is when it comes to need number six that fandom comes in. See, what makes being in various fandoms important to me is exactly that; I feel like I belong somewhere, and it is a way to meet new people (I can not count all the friends I have just because we happened to like the same TV-show/film). This feels particularly important as I am a severely socially awkward person who experiences difficulties talking to certain people. Equal fandoms provide lots of topic to converse about. And there is that special kind of connection between two people who are in the the same fandom (fandom-people knows what I am referring to).

Come to think of it, it might also fill the second need, at least partially. Just take a look at my first post, wherein I presented myself as both a Whovian and a Ravenclaw. Hm.

So, thanks to this, I no longer feel as guilty devoting a bit of my time to fandom, because sometimes you are actually allowed to think of and prioritize your own well-being, and, as some wise tumblr-user who's username I have sadly forgotten once said, if doing something makes you feel good, whether it is spending some hours on tumblr, baking a cake, watching Doctor Who, or whatever, however meaningless it might seem compared to demonstrating for human right, do it. And my fandoms are just as important as religion; perhaps not to society, but to me.

(This turned out to be a rather confusing, cheesy and generally poorly-written ending, but I am severely tired so we will have to live with it.)

*What 'fandom' means

Not really a source but it helped me whilst writing this

An Apology for my Abcense

In this entry I assume that you care about the fact that I have been absent from writing blog entries for a while, seeing as you are currently "checking" my blog; if you do not care, I advice against your continuous reading of this entry. Move along, move along.

Now, before I go to work on my upcoming, thrilling blog entry, I wish to apologise for my far too long absence. My sole reasons be that I have had a visit of a friend who lives far away; I have begun the work on a novel; I have attended a party (or, more of a dinner with some friends); and generally have had other activities to fill my time, as other thoughts to fill my mind (not to mention that I have been lazy and rather reading Shakespeare than blogging).

But now I hope to back on track, as they say, with regular entries on Wednesday and one of the two days of what is referred to as the weekend; one exception being the upcoming entry today, which I hope shall serve as at least some compensation for my absence.

Yes, I felt a strong need to write this rather meaningless post.

Nice, welcoming entry

It is the middle of the night and I should probably be at least attempting to fall asleep, but I am not in the mood so I thought I would pick up blogging instead.

When I write that, I think I kind of sound like a person who is completely chill with doing it. I am not. I am in fact really anxious about whether I will accidentally wake someone up by with the sound of me pressing the different keys of the keyboard; I am afraid that I will wake up far too late tomorrow due to problems with going to sleep once the computer is turned off, caused by this late night writing; I am afraid that I will become too paranoid to be able to go to sleep in the time I spend up writing, and so forth. And that is kind of who I am as a person.

I do not know what I was meant when I wrote the the title of this entry, because hitherto it has not really been nice and welcoming at all, has it? Perhaps I miscalculated my ability to write such an entry. Ah well.

A basic thing to mention in an introducing entry would be one's gender, and so I will: I am a so-called female. But I really do hope that you do not immediately apply any prejudices just because I wrote that. No, I should not write any prejudices, because, frankly, practically all of us has some sorts of prejudices about everyone; it is more a question of how proud one is of them, and how tightly one clings to them. Just try not to cling too tightly to yours, will you? Unless, of course, they prove to be 100% accurate, in which case I suppose that I was wrong and I recant my previous statement.

Further relevant information about me is that I suppose I could call myself a feminist, I am a Ravenclaw and I enjoy drinking tea and watching Doctor Who. It has hitherto taken be about one and a half hour to conjure this piece of text, and I really ought to get some sleep now (I will probably end up staying up for at least one more hour reading once the computer is off, but ah well), so hereby I will bid thee good night and wish thee a merry welcome to this blog that will hopefully stay updated, despite the not-so-very-warmly-welcoming-entry.~