If there is something I am rubbish at, it is showing people in my surroundings how much I appreciate their existence and the fact that they are a part of my life.
That is partly because I do not wish to sound cheesy (for some reason I have no wish to be a cheesy-kind-of-person), but mainly, I believe, because I am afraid to scare them away; I am afraid that they do not appreciate me and my existence, at least not as much as I do theirs (yay low confidence), and if I come up to them and am all like 'HELLO YOU ARE WONDERFUL PERSON I APPRECIATE YOUR EXISTENCE PLEASE DON'T EVER DISAPPEAR FROM MY LIFE', and they do not feel the same toward me, it will make them uncomfortable and they will slowly remove themselves from my life. Which is seriously stupid and sad, because I know how wonderful it is to feel appreciated and loved; to know that at least someone does not consider you nothing but a pain in the ass.
There are, I think, approximately three people who know that I appreciate their existences, which is far less than the real amount of people who's existence I appreciate. Which sucks.
Furthermore, I feel an even greater urge to tell people how much I appreciate their existences when they seem to be a bit low, but then it feels even more pathetic because I feel like I say it merely as an attempt to make them feel better. But it is not like that.
This text is not heading for some clever conclusion, because there is no clever conclusion. This time it is merely me telling a tale from my awkward life. But if you happen to have some clever conclusion, a tale from your own awkward/not-that-awkward life, a comment, or whatever, please do share in the comment section. I like comments; they make my blog feel like it is appreciated. (Yes, I am really pathetic enough to be asking you for comments. And my blog does not actually feel appreciated if you comment, because it is a blog, so it lacks of emotion. Did you really think that a blog could have feelings? That is slightly peculiar.)
Hedda, I really, really appreciate to have you in my life and you are a wonderful person and I hope you will be a part of my life at least for the rest of it.
ReplyDeleteI unfortunately do not have a clever conclusion, but I thought I should comment anyway... (Thank you for watching the theatre yesterday, and thank you so much for the rose, I think I forgot to say it yeaterday since I was so stressed and I feel awful for it, but I just wanted you to know that I appreciate that, too).
(And now I feel like I'm only using the word 'appreciate' for the sake of using it and this comment became very confusing. Sorry.)
You are wonderful.
I don't think I have ever received such beautiful a comment; I appreciate it very, very much, as do I appreciate you and the fact that I have you in my life (and, as you beautifully phrased it, I hope you will be a part of it for the rest of it as well).
DeleteWatching the play was my pleasure, and no need at all to feel awful; I know how stressful post-plays can be. You all did a very wonderful job with it!
And, lastly, *you* are wonderful, dear.~