19/10/2013

How to write "strong", female characters

There are probably plenty of aspiring writers out there in cyberspace, and being an aspiring writer, one can probably use with a couple of nice tips. Therefore, I have completed this list of tips (or, if you wish your piece to be famous, rules) about how to write strong, female characters. Enjoy!
  1. Make sure she is rather bad-ass, except when it comes to that one guy (aka the hero*), who makes her change completely, so that suddenly she is oh so weak. It is also important that this guy makes her lose all her bad-assness like *that*. The guy does not necessarily need to have as passionate, or even any at all, feelings for her; in fact, it makes him cooler if he does not.
  2. Do not give her a proper personality. She only needs to consist of her bad-assness and passionate love for the hero.
  3. This bad-assness must consist of at least 90% sexiness. Ergo, her only power must be to be able to flirt with various male characters (I mean, her flirting with a female would imply some sort of bi-, pan- or homosexuality and that is something we simply can not have).
  4. The previous point implies that, naturally, she has to follow media's idea about what "being sexy" means.
  5. Whenever she has a conversation with another female, it has to be about one/some of the male character/-s.
  6. She must not do anything for her own sake. Remember, it is all about the hero.
  7. Giving her a name is not a high priority. The hero could always simply call her "babe", "sexy" and so forth.
  8. If you do give her a name, at least make her the only female character with a name.
  9. She has to be naked at least once (preferably more than once though).
  10. When she is not naked, make sure her clothes are revealing (as oppose to the hero, who should be properly dressed at all times).
*Note about the hero: Make sure that the hero is a male. A female hero would completely brake the norm and it just would not be sane (again, remember what I wrote about bi-, pan- and homosexuality).

There are, of course, plenty of other things (/rules) to have in mind when writing strong, female characters, but I hope that this small guide helped you in some measure. Good luck with your writing!

This sarcastic entry has been brought to you by Hedda, aka panphobic.

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